Riddle Me This

I hate goggles. They are going to be the death of me. Ok. That might be overstating a tad but they do bother the living bejeezus out of me. Even my super supposedly anti fog goggles have to be pulled really tight to keep the air and water out, and well, they squeeze my brain.

You know what else I hate? Smelling like chlorine. My super expensive soap is not noxious enough to zap it so I'm walking around smelling like Au de Pool. Yes, that's better than Au de Poo, which is what one smells like if they don't watch where they're walking. So really, I must be super careful, cuz if I happen into a pile, I will smell like Au de Poopool, which is a very distant, black sheep cousin of Mott the Hoople, who were a one hit wonder with All the Young Dudes.

Anywho...speaking of gross things, last time there was this guy who was so hairy...

HOW HAIRY WAS HE?

He was so hairy that he had his BACK HAIR BRAIDED to match his beard. NO, I am not joking. I tried not thinking about His Hairiness...swimming....not only in the same pool but in the same lane as me. I tried not thinking about HOW someone could actually BRAID hair that short. And I mean short by braiding standards. It was lllloooonnnggg in back hairinessness!

I'm still grossed out thinking about it. I know one can't help these things but man...it was icky. Yo!!! Hairy Man! Think Miyagi...Daniel San...Wax On Wax off. Wax On Wax off.

So the swimming is going well. I have pancaked. One of the things I really like about the way Misael teaches is that he breaks everything down so that each part of the kick, stroke, breath is done right. Bad thing is that it is a whole lot to remember. And he talks to us like we're kids but not in a bad way. Moving our hips is "sway sway sway". Our heads are coconuts. If you don't extend your arms far enough on the stroke we are t-rex's. Anything out of our personal range of motion is the "no no zone". All said in sing song voices that are hilarious and more to the point, memorable.

We learned backstroke first because backstroke has the same movements, for the most part, as freestyle. So now that I have pancaked, I have a lot to think about because not only do I have to worry about sway, sway, swaying and no no's and t-rex's, I have to think about BREATHING! Yeah. Breathing is good!

Sometimes I think it might be too much for me. You know, The Marathon Guru always warned me about running and chewing gum. Throw a nose blow in the mix and there was a strong chance of chaos. Now I have to think about all this stuff AND breathe AND not sink. Phhheww.

So what's the riddle?

What runs faster than I do, even in water?

Be well everyone!

Peace out.

Goldilocks and the 4 goggles goggling, 3 suits a swimming, 2 caps a capping and a surging pancake in a pear tree

So I haven't drowned or sunk...Woot.

I have, however, spent way too much moolah on swim crap. Next year I am going to find a sport to do that doesn't cost me anything...a barefoot, naked, dog carrying contest maybe. Yeah. Yeah. The dog will cover the front and I will have a strategically placed race number covering my butt. Whaddya think?

Anywho...I had bought a pair of goggles when I was going to my neighborhood Y thinking I would swim ...about 4 years ago, (as you might guess, I never even opened them until 3 weeks ago.)

When I swam that first day, they kept getting foggy and I couldn't see. Not gonna work. So I went out and got another pair. These pair are AWESOME. They fit great. They look cool (not cool at all, really). And they are anti fog. The problem? They're dark. Think Corey Hart, sunglasses at night dark. Great in the day, but since I swim at night...not so good.

Sooo...I went and bought another pair. Same Speedo brand, what I thought were the same goggles, only clear. I jump in the pool on Thursday, thinking, FINALLY and...nope. They are not the same pair only clear. These do not have a flexible bridge of the nose thing that extends out. Its flat. And it squishes my nose. And it hurts.

So bring on goggle pair number four. FOUR!

So since I had to get another pair of goggles, I looked at the swim suits while I was at the sporting goods store. I have been wearing a nice suit, one that would be more for lounging by the pool instead of swimming in it. I took 4 into the dressing room. I really liked 2 of them and couldn't decide. So I got them both. The one makes me look thin AND was the cheapest of the 4 so I patted myself on the back for that one. Since I picked the cheap one, I could reward myself with the other one, right?! And the other makes me look fast. No really. It has like pink, white and purple sorta lightning bolt thingys on it. Lightning is fast, right? So my lightning suit is gonna surge me through the water. SURGE ME I say. (That's what I am telling myself anyway. To justify buying both. SURGE!)

Well, my swim cap is BLUE. My fast suit is Black and PINK. I couldn't wear a BLUE cap with my lightning pink super fast suit, could I? The clashing of colors might slow me down. We wouldn't want that, right? Defeat the whole SURGE theory. So enter cap number 2.

And to top it all off, I had to buy special get rid of the chlorine smell soap and not-turn-your-hair-green shampoo and conditioner. More expensive then soap should be.

BUT...my hair isn't green yet, so there's that. (And we don't even want to discuss how green hair would factor into the SURGE theory. I shudder thinking about it.)

You want to hear how the swimming's going?

I have been working on kicking, breathing and backstroke. Misael says that next time, if I backstroke with grace, I can pancake (his way of saying flip over) and start working on freestyle.

Ahhh...what?!

Flipping over depends on grace?... And me having it?...Wellllhellll. I might pancake all right. I will just be that first one that you always mess up then give to the dog.

Grace? Crud.

And dang it. Now I want pancakes.

Be well everyone.

Peace out!