Congratulations Bethany...you did it!

Photos by Julie!

Panic. Learning. Panic. Learning. Flying. More Panic.

So to pick up where I left off with the last blog, I was not feeling the love from Mike and foot lady made me want to gag. When my swim pass was used up, I decided to just go to the community pool, which is conveniently located 3 blocks from my house. I figured doing laps from that point on (about 4 weeks ago) was my best plan to get endurance up.

When I started timing myself, I was doing a half mile in 27 minutes. That of course was having to stop, if only for a second, to turn around at the wall.

I got down to 25 minutes before I left for Michigan.

When I went to visit the Fam, I swam in the channel where my brother has a house. Since I wasn't sure what the distance was, I just swam for about a half hour. Definitely tiring.

But, it was good because I got the chance to experience the not being able to see the bottom thing. And the no lane line thing. I do backstroke a lot so I miss the lane lines. (I ran into boats twice. Thank goodness, they were parked!). I swim like a drunk. Lots of wasted energy. BAD!

This past Tuesday, while swimming, I pulled a muscle in my upper arm. It hurt. Panic.

I still swam on Thursday. My shoulder still hurt, but I took 2 minutes off my time. Learning.

I am admittedly scared sh**less about this swim. It is the thing that is the wildcard in this for me. I can bike 11 miles pretty easily. Running 3 miles is a small distance compared to the 26.2 I've done in the last 3 marathons. If I get out of the water in 30 minutes, I will consider that a win.

Especially since I got a cold in Michigan and despite all the witches brews and magic potions, I am still stuffy. I am also hockin' up loogies. Yum, huh?

So today I went to pick up my packet for the race. They had a very helpful seminar to go over the course and some seriously informative tips.

I learned a lot in those 40 minutes.

I learned that there is the cool stuff that is supposed to help you get out of the wetsuit. Its literally stuff you spray on and its supposed to be slippery. Body lube. I have visions of a being squirted out of the wetsuit like a banana squirting out of it's skin.

I learned that they suggest NOT doing the backstroke. The backstroke is what I have been using when I get tired, and it is by far my better stroke. Serious, SERIOUS PANIC!!!

I learned that there is something called the flying dismount off the bike.

I can guarantee I wont be doing that.

So my race number is 575.

My wave start is at 7:15am.

It is supposed to be really hot again tomorrow. If you are coming to see me finish, make sure you bring water, especially if you are bringing dogs.

Which brings me to this:

I know that some of you plan on coming to see me finish. As much as I appreciate you being there, I feel that traveling a great distance, to pay $10 to park, to bring the dogs in this heat, to only be there for 20 minutes is a bit crazy. If you plan on coming, I appreciate it. But I would like you to think if that is really the best use of your time.

This isn't coming out right. But I just want you all to know that I will not be upset if there is no one there to see me finish. It just seems like a lot of time and effort and money on gas and parking to spend to only be there for 20 minutes.

However if you do come, park at the Convention Center, which like I said is $10.

Sanya always asks me for pictures. Here is one of all the stuff I have to bring tomorrow.

Did I mention that I am panicking?

Be well everyone.

Peace out!

Channeling my inner Missy (And Will Farrell from Night at the Roxbury)

**Note, as you will read, this was started 3 weeks ago. I am a little behind! But instead of starting over, I will continue this one and will send the most recent one in a day or two. Just pretend it is still 3 weeks ago!

Good lord where does the time go? I apologize to my loyal fans (I think my followers have gone up to 8...not bad, my readerdom has grown exponentially. Even my Mom admitted to reading it! YAY ME.) for the time in between posts but I didn't want to interrupt the Olympics! (Who besides me thought the closing ceremony people were drinking some seriously jacked up kool-aid?)

Oh! So braided hairy guy actually came back. And he must have heard or felt the heave of the group gag as he entered the pool because he WAXED! He still has the ridiculous thing hanging off of his chin but he is no longer the braided hairy back guy!

Unfortunately, though, for us women, the scrape-the-dead-skin-off-my-gross-feet-with-a-file-thing-and-pumice-stone-lady has decided that THE PUBLIC SHOWER is the perfect place to do that. It's just disgusting.

So I only have 4 weeks to go and the swimming is going fine. I have left the beginner class and graduated to the advanced class. I got so ninja in the beginners group that Misael would actually ask me to show people what to do. I got so turbotious that the swimmers in the next lane would stop swimming, look around, startled by the wake and wonder how a speedboat got into the pool. Good thing Im so full of myself huh? My big head helps me float!

Seriously, I was so much more advanced in the beginner group that I moved to Mike's group. I don't like Mike nearly as much as Misael. Well..I don't like Mike at all. I truly was the worst of the advanced when I started and although my technique was good, I was still slow. Mike doesn't like slow...even if it says in the brochure that its for ANY swim level.

Plus, yucky foot lady is in Mike's class. She is not a bad swimmer but she lets everyone know that SHE thinks she is a great swimmer. The first advanced class I took I heard her tell another girl, who also was taking her first class, that at least she was better than...she saw me and didn't finish. I knew what she was gonna say but I play it cool and I just let it roll off my back...like the water I swim through.

She obviously has serious confidence issues if she has to cut other people down. (Yes I AM an armchair psychologist!)

But get this...the next class, foot lady is there and we are swimming and I am improving. And I see WHY she is a better swimmer! The cheater uses swim fins! I would be fast too, beeha if I cheated and used fins!

I will admit that I am not cool enough not to make just slightly snide comment to her about how ANYONE would be faster using fins. That holier-than-thou smile drained off her face.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

So I swim. And I get better every swim. And I think about Missy Franklin. And I think that if I could channel just an OUNCE of her speed, I would be good.

And each night as I leave the pool, my inner Will Farrell shakes my head in a sideways, headbangers ball kinda way to get all the water out of my ears.

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more"

Be well everyone.

Peace out

Riddle Me This

I hate goggles. They are going to be the death of me. Ok. That might be overstating a tad but they do bother the living bejeezus out of me. Even my super supposedly anti fog goggles have to be pulled really tight to keep the air and water out, and well, they squeeze my brain.

You know what else I hate? Smelling like chlorine. My super expensive soap is not noxious enough to zap it so I'm walking around smelling like Au de Pool. Yes, that's better than Au de Poo, which is what one smells like if they don't watch where they're walking. So really, I must be super careful, cuz if I happen into a pile, I will smell like Au de Poopool, which is a very distant, black sheep cousin of Mott the Hoople, who were a one hit wonder with All the Young Dudes.

Anywho...speaking of gross things, last time there was this guy who was so hairy...

HOW HAIRY WAS HE?

He was so hairy that he had his BACK HAIR BRAIDED to match his beard. NO, I am not joking. I tried not thinking about His Hairiness...swimming....not only in the same pool but in the same lane as me. I tried not thinking about HOW someone could actually BRAID hair that short. And I mean short by braiding standards. It was lllloooonnnggg in back hairinessness!

I'm still grossed out thinking about it. I know one can't help these things but man...it was icky. Yo!!! Hairy Man! Think Miyagi...Daniel San...Wax On Wax off. Wax On Wax off.

So the swimming is going well. I have pancaked. One of the things I really like about the way Misael teaches is that he breaks everything down so that each part of the kick, stroke, breath is done right. Bad thing is that it is a whole lot to remember. And he talks to us like we're kids but not in a bad way. Moving our hips is "sway sway sway". Our heads are coconuts. If you don't extend your arms far enough on the stroke we are t-rex's. Anything out of our personal range of motion is the "no no zone". All said in sing song voices that are hilarious and more to the point, memorable.

We learned backstroke first because backstroke has the same movements, for the most part, as freestyle. So now that I have pancaked, I have a lot to think about because not only do I have to worry about sway, sway, swaying and no no's and t-rex's, I have to think about BREATHING! Yeah. Breathing is good!

Sometimes I think it might be too much for me. You know, The Marathon Guru always warned me about running and chewing gum. Throw a nose blow in the mix and there was a strong chance of chaos. Now I have to think about all this stuff AND breathe AND not sink. Phhheww.

So what's the riddle?

What runs faster than I do, even in water?

Be well everyone!

Peace out.

Goldilocks and the 4 goggles goggling, 3 suits a swimming, 2 caps a capping and a surging pancake in a pear tree

So I haven't drowned or sunk...Woot.

I have, however, spent way too much moolah on swim crap. Next year I am going to find a sport to do that doesn't cost me anything...a barefoot, naked, dog carrying contest maybe. Yeah. Yeah. The dog will cover the front and I will have a strategically placed race number covering my butt. Whaddya think?

Anywho...I had bought a pair of goggles when I was going to my neighborhood Y thinking I would swim ...about 4 years ago, (as you might guess, I never even opened them until 3 weeks ago.)

When I swam that first day, they kept getting foggy and I couldn't see. Not gonna work. So I went out and got another pair. These pair are AWESOME. They fit great. They look cool (not cool at all, really). And they are anti fog. The problem? They're dark. Think Corey Hart, sunglasses at night dark. Great in the day, but since I swim at night...not so good.

Sooo...I went and bought another pair. Same Speedo brand, what I thought were the same goggles, only clear. I jump in the pool on Thursday, thinking, FINALLY and...nope. They are not the same pair only clear. These do not have a flexible bridge of the nose thing that extends out. Its flat. And it squishes my nose. And it hurts.

So bring on goggle pair number four. FOUR!

So since I had to get another pair of goggles, I looked at the swim suits while I was at the sporting goods store. I have been wearing a nice suit, one that would be more for lounging by the pool instead of swimming in it. I took 4 into the dressing room. I really liked 2 of them and couldn't decide. So I got them both. The one makes me look thin AND was the cheapest of the 4 so I patted myself on the back for that one. Since I picked the cheap one, I could reward myself with the other one, right?! And the other makes me look fast. No really. It has like pink, white and purple sorta lightning bolt thingys on it. Lightning is fast, right? So my lightning suit is gonna surge me through the water. SURGE ME I say. (That's what I am telling myself anyway. To justify buying both. SURGE!)

Well, my swim cap is BLUE. My fast suit is Black and PINK. I couldn't wear a BLUE cap with my lightning pink super fast suit, could I? The clashing of colors might slow me down. We wouldn't want that, right? Defeat the whole SURGE theory. So enter cap number 2.

And to top it all off, I had to buy special get rid of the chlorine smell soap and not-turn-your-hair-green shampoo and conditioner. More expensive then soap should be.

BUT...my hair isn't green yet, so there's that. (And we don't even want to discuss how green hair would factor into the SURGE theory. I shudder thinking about it.)

You want to hear how the swimming's going?

I have been working on kicking, breathing and backstroke. Misael says that next time, if I backstroke with grace, I can pancake (his way of saying flip over) and start working on freestyle.

Ahhh...what?!

Flipping over depends on grace?... And me having it?...Wellllhellll. I might pancake all right. I will just be that first one that you always mess up then give to the dog.

Grace? Crud.

And dang it. Now I want pancakes.

Be well everyone.

Peace out!

SWIMMING 101

So to begin my swim training, I thought I would just start going to the pool and start swimming. My wonderfully smart boyfriend however, told me that I should get a coach right away so that I don't spend any time swimming with a funky stroke.

I took his advice and looked for a coach.

There are some seriously expensive coaches out there. And they don't take Reese's as payment. So I was really excited when I found that the pool at the local community college has instructors there every week. And they don't charge an arm and a leg (They're smart see? Charge an arm and a leg and it makes it harder to swim.)

So I went for the first time last week.

I know how to swim.

I have spent almost my entire life around water. I was lucky enough as a kid to have a family vacation home on a lake. We would spend almost every hour of every summer day in the water. We would swim up and down the channel, messing around, having fun.

I know how to swim.

I haven't, as far as I can remember, though, worn a swim cap. Or goggles. I don't think that was too obvious though. I only had the goggles boing off my head and hang from my ear once...ok twice but no one saw the first one!

I know how to swim.

So I strut out of the locker rooms, thinking that this was going to be easy. Swim off the cobwebs, have the coach tweak my stroke a bit and I'd be off to the races.

You know, because I know how to swim.

The coach, Misael, tells us to warm up with 200. For those of you who don't know, that's 8 laps. Awesome! I jump in and 2 things happen. (NO...I did not sink!)

1. Shock, by how MUCH colder the water was than expected, and
2. Pain, because my toe starts to sting and throb.

You see, the toe nail that turned black and yucky while I was training for the marathons is THIS close to coming off. It was hanging on by just a big enough thread that it hurt every time something rubbed my toe the wrong way. I was afraid to just rip it off because, well, it hurt! It has been hanging around now for about 2 months. When I jumped in the pool, the chlorine oozed under the nail and hurt like a you know what.

So visibly cold and silently in pain, I pull my goggles over my eyes and start swimming. And I swim...and I swim. And I am winded half way through. Of course, you say. Swimming 4 laps would make most people tired. No. I'M TALKIN' THE FIRST LAP! You want me to do HOW MANY? For a warm up?

Crud. This is gonna be harder than I thought.

But I am going to learn from the beginning and get it right.

They broke us into 2 groups. So that they could work with us beginners away from the people who knew what they were doing.

For almost the entire class, Misael had us do kicking drills. Nice. Slow. Fast. Big leg. From the knee. It was very helpful. I was the fastest.

I was the best of the worst! YEEE HAAAWWWW!

And my toe really stung.

When the class was over I got out of the pool, freezing, and ran for my towel. My toe was really stinging!! I looked down at my toe nail and realized that my superior kicking skills ripped that bad boy right off! No wonder it was hurting so bad. It was now somewhere...in the pool.

EEEWWWWWWWWWWW!

Be well everyone!

Peace out

Return of the Blah-g

Sandy has guilted…suckered…asked me to write the blahg again.

(Anyone who has had Sandy get them to do something knows what I'm talkin' 'bout! She looks at you with those eyes..you know, kinda like the ones we all get from our dogs when they want another bisquit, plleeeeeaassssssse can I have a treat?...with that almost....weepy you-know-you-want-to-do-this tone in her voice…right?! I think she hypnotizes people! And the fact that she did it over the phone just proves how good she is at her craft! Either that or I'm just a sucker).

So here we go again.

In case you haven't heard, I will not be running a marathon this year.

I think that ticked off the Marathon Guru (Marty) a bit.

Either that, or he thinks that all that running has muddled my brain.

Either that or he's mad that I have fallen a tad behind on his payment (hershey's kisses and Reese's..I still owe him for all of his worldly running knowledge)(But honestly, I don't think there would ever be enough chocolate to pay him back for all his gems of wisdom!).

Let me explain.

When I told him I was going to do a triathlon instead of a marathon, he asked me if I knew how to swim.

"G", I said. "Do you really think I would sign up for a triathlon without knowing how to swim?"

"I was just asking." He wrote.

I told him that I was going to strap on my fins and water wings and the swimming would go, well...swimmingly.

I believe that at that point, and I could be mistaken, he called me a bimbo.

See? I told you he was mad.

With "BImbo" echoing in my ear, I went back to the Long Beach Triathlon site and read the "Rules and Regulations" a bit more carefully. No fins. No kick boards. No twin turbo jet pax attached to your life jacket.

WHAT?!?

Aw bugger.

How fast you think I could dog paddle a half mile?

The bimbo had better start swimming.

Be well everyone.

Peace out.